Everything Happens in New York City

“There’s no more soda in the house. It looks like we gotta run to the store,” Robert yelled, pulling his head out of the fridge.

“Ah don’t mind a lil’ walk. It’ll give me a chance to see more of my cousin’s neighborhood.”

“I keep telling’ you, Bubba, New York ain’t all that special.”

“Robert, ah’ve neva been to New York, so this is a special occasion for me. This is my chance to see what makes this city so famous. Ah’m always hearing about all this stuff that goes on here. It must be exciting.”

“Maybe to you, Bubba, ‘cause you don’t live here. But I’ve been living here all nineteen years of my life and, let me tell you, it gets annoying sometimes. Now go get your shoes on so we can go.”

“You don’t hafta talk to me like Ah’m a kid. We are the same age, remember?”

As Bubba stood up off the couch to get his sneakers, Robert looked over at his cousin. He shook his head at Bubba’s attire, which consisted of short overalls and a white undershirt. God, all he needs is a damn straw hat and a pitchfork, Robert thought to himself. Why can’t he wear normal clothes? He looked down at his wife-beater, long, baggy jeans, and brown boots and let out a long sigh. You can’t pick your family, but you sure as hell can take them to Macy’s. “We need to get you a Yankee’s hat or something,” Robert called out to Bubba. He grabbed a bag of jellybeans and his keys from the counter and stuffed them into his pants.

“Rob, what’re the jellybeans for? I thought we were going to the sto’ to get snacks.”

“Don’t worry about it, Bubba. They’re a ‘just in case’ payment.”

“Payment? Now, I know Ah’m from the South, but we still use money where I come from. What’re you gonna pay for with those?”

“Let’s just hope you don’t have to find out,” Robert said, ushering his cousin out the door.

They exited the apartment building and were confronted by the sights and sounds of a busy New York City evening. People were walking briskly along the sidewalk, listening to iPods or talking on cell phones. Someone decided to fight the heat and humidity of the day by opening up the fire hydrant. Little kids were running back and forth through the spray, laughing and enjoying the cool water. They would stop and stand on the sidewalk as the occasional car would roll by, the driver making sure to put up his windows before continuing on.

Robert greeted some of his neighbors sitting on the stoop of his building as he walked down to the sidewalk. He could feel their sneers on his back, sure that they were pointing and laughing at his country cousin. Bubba, for his part, seemed to be oblivious to the scrutiny. He was looking wide-eyed at his surroundings, taking in everything he could as if he were afraid that if he blinked, it would all go away.

Both Robert and Bubba were abruptly pulled out of their musings by a sudden bang and a puff of smoke that surrounded them. Robert put his hand on Bubba’s chest, stopping his movement. As the smoke cleared, they could see four people surrounding them. These people stood about 4 ½ feet tall and were clad in all-black ninja outfits. In their hands were held katana that gleamed in the sunlight.

“Oh my God!” exclaimed Bubba.

“Oh crap,” muttered Robert.

“You know what this is,” the lead ninja said, taking a step towards the duo. “You are in our territory, and must pay the tribute to continue.”

“Territory? Tribute? Robert, what are they talkin’ ’bout?” Bubba asked, his voice full of shock.

The ninja to their right took a step toward them and pointed his katana at Bubba. “Shut up, you insolent fool. You may dress like a foreigner, but you should still recognize when you are in danger.”

“Don’t worry, Bubba, I’ll handle this,” Robert said to his cousin as he reached into his pocket. The four ninjas visibly tensed, their hands gripping tighter on their hilts. Robert slowly pulled his hand back out, revealing the bag of jelly beans. He held it out to the lead ninja. The diminutive assassin held his sword in one hand and grabbed the bag with the other. He hefted it in his hand, much like a bandit from days long ago handling a pouch of gold coins.

“This should do until next week,” the ninja said, attaching the bag to his belt.

“Oh man, Tim, we’re in trouble,” said the ninja that stood behind Robert and Bubba.

“I told you, my name isn’t Tim, it’s Fox!” the lead ninja exclaimed, ripping his black hood off in exasperation. “And why would we be in trouble?” As those words left his mouth, a shadow appeared over him. He slowly turned around, his eyes coming level with the bosom of a woman towering over him wearing a fuzzy pink bathrobe, slippers, and her hair in big pink rollers. Tim looked up and a groan could be heard escaping his throat.

“Fox!? Oh, you’re Fox now? Fox isn’t the name your father and I gave you. We named you after your dear departed grandfather, and you should be proud of that name!” The woman reached out, grabbed Tim’s ear and began pulling. “And what did I tell you about hanging out in the streets with these little hooligans, playing with swords? You’re gonna hurt yourself one of these days!”

“Awww, mama, we was just having a little fun,” Tim protested as he was led down the street by his ear. Robert looked around and saw the other ninjas running down the street in the opposite direction.

“So much for loyalty,” Robert said as he started walking again.

“Oh man, cousin, a ninja attack! I can’t believe I was actually involved in a ninja attack!”

“Well, you wanted to see New York,” Robert replied.

“But they were NINJAS!!! In New York City!!!”

“Yeah, I know,” Robert said, shaking his head.

The two of them continued on their journey, Bubba going on about the ninjas and Robert being tired of Bubba’s enthusiasm. As they walked, Bubba’s yammering was interrupted by the sound of loud sirens and gunfire. Robert looked back and saw a black sedan speeding towards them. A man was hanging out of the passenger-side window of the car, steadily firing a submachine gun behind him. Chasing after them were two police cruisers, sirens wailing. Gunfire was being returned by the lead chase car.

“Oh shit, get down!” Robert yelled, pulling Bubba with him. The two of them ducked behind the nearest car and waited.

The high-speed chase continued up the street, bullets whizzing back and forth. As the black sedan passed the car Robert and Bubba were ducked down behind, the police officer firing at the criminals got a lucky hit. The gas tank of the car exploded, quickly covering the rear of the vehicle in flames. The concussive force of the blast lifted the back of the car into the air, causing the sedan to flip over before slamming back onto the ground, crushing the roof and instantly killing the people within.

Robert and Bubba stayed ducked down as glass and other shrapnel rained down all around them. Bubba stuck his finger in his ear and wiggled it, trying to get the ringing out. The two police cars quickly braked behind the overturned car and the officers got out. They examined the car for survivors before calling it in on their radios.

Robert stood up and brushed some small pieces of glass from his shoulders. Bubba slowly stood up and looked at the aftermath of the chase, his eyes and mouth wide open.

“Damn, Bobby, those cops just took out those crim’nals!” Bubba exclaimed.

“No shit,” he said, running his hand lightly through his hair. He rolled his eyes as glass fell off his head to the ground. “Come on, Bubba, let’s keep going before something else stupid happens.”

“What else could happen, cousin?”

“Bubba, this is New York City. You NEVER ask ‘What else could happen?’ or ‘How can it get any worse?’”

Bubba lingered behind for a few more moments before walking after Robert.

“Does stuff like this happen all the time?” Bubba asked.

“Often enough.”

“Man, we don’t have ninjas and car chases in my town.”

“Of course not. Why would ninjas care about a town of only two thousand people in the Deep South?”

“It’s like there’s always something about to happen around here,” Bubba said, his eyes searching the roofs of the buildings.

Robert was quickly becoming annoyed with Bubba’s constant questions about how often things like this happened in New York. Bubba didn’t seem to understand that to Robert, these were common occurrences. Robert was about to just tell Bubba to shut up when a whistling sound could be heard in the air. It quickly became louder and ended with a loud bang as an object that had been hurtling through the air hit the ground with a loud bang. The object slid along the ground, leaving a furrow in the street. A yellow taxi that was driving down the street stopped short, the driver hitting the brakes and throwing the wheel to the left. The object hit the right side of the car, causing the window to shatter and the door to crumple.

As people watched, the object stood up and dizzily shook his head. The man’s very muscular body was squeezed into a unitard colored in red, white, and blue and a red cape hung from his neck. On his feet were blue boots.

“Oh my GOD!” Bubba yelled. “That’s m-m-m-m-m”

“Yes, that’s Mighty Man,” Robert finished for him. “And if he’s here like this, something’s going down.”

At that moment, a large metallic figure landed in the street ten feet in front of Mighty Man. The robot stood fifteen feet tall and had glowing red eyes. It reached out for Mighty Man with it’s hands that ended in sharp steel claws. Before the hero could react, he was caught in the robot’s grip by the leg and thrown into the side of a building. Mighty Man left a hole in the façade of the structure as he impacted with it. People on the ground ran away from the masonry that rained down on the street around them.

“Come on Mighty Man, you can beat this hunk of metal!” Bubba yelled out like the spectator at a prize-fight. A few of the people around them echoed Bubba’s cheer. The sound of shifting rubble was heard as Mighty Man appeared at the edge of the hole. He jumped down into the middle of the street. As the crowd watched, a small door opened up on the chest of the robot. Mighty Man slammed his foot down on the edge of a manhole cover, causing it to flip in the air in front of him. He caught it and held it in front of him like a shield as a gun opened fire on him, hosing him down with bullets. Mighty Man tensed, using his strength to keep his shield held in front of him. People on the street yelled and scattered, ducking behind anything they could find as the bullets ricocheted all around.

A whirring and clicking could be heard as the gun emptied, it’s barrel smoking from the heat. Mighty Man took the manhole cover and threw it at the robot like a Frisbee. It impacted with it’s head and shattered it’s right mechanical eye. Sparks and smoke could be seen coming from the hole. Before the robot could recover, the hero jumped at it’s chest. The impact caused the mechanical being to fall backwards, hitting the ground with a loud crash. Mighty Man grabbed the right arm of his opponent and pulled. With a tearing of steel and a shower of sparks, the arm detached from the body at the shoulder. Mighty Man then swung the arm down like a hammer, hitting the robot in the face. He continued swinging the arm until the glow in the left eye faded out. With a sigh of relief, Mighty Man dropped the arm to the ground.

The bystanders erupted in cheers. As the people began swarming around the hero, Bubba pushed his way towards the front of the crowd. “Mighty Man! Mighty Man! Ah’m one of your biggest fans!!”

Mighty Man paused and looked directly at Bubba. “Then that means you do what every night?”

“Drink my milk and brush my teeth!” Bubba said, the crowd joining in his response.

Mighty Man stood atop the robot’s chest, his fists on his sides and a smile on his face. His perfect white teeth shone in the fading sunlight. “That’s right. And one day you too can…”

“BE MIGHTY!!!” the people yelled. Mighty Man winked at Bubba before flying off into the sky.

As the people watched the hero fly off, Robert moved through the crown and grabbed his cousin. If he thought Bubba talked about the other events a lot, his mind was blown by how much his cousin yapped about seeing Mighty Man. Robert tried to hide his frustration as Bubba talked a mile a minute, going on about how his friends back home wouldn’t believe he saw Mighty Man in person.

The two of them reached the store without further incident. Robert got the sodas and some other snacks for them to eat and took them to the counter. Bubba was still walking around looking for something to buy.

“Come on Bubba, we have to go.”

“Awwww, what’s the big rush, Bobby? I’m enjoying myself.”

“We still have to get back home, Bubba, and it’s getting dark.” As Robert said that, a loud, monstrous roar was heard in the background.